horse

A guy needed a horse, so he went to a temple and got one. Before he left, the priest told him that it was a special horse. In order for it to go, he would say “Thank God” and for it to stop he would have to say “Amen”.

So the guy went, and a few minutes later he dozed off on his horse. A few hours later, he woke up and was going off the edge of a cliff. So he shouted “Amen!” and the horse stopped a few inches from the edge.

“Whew,” he said. “Thank God.”

wife's kiss

Mohan sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work. 

Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife... try it. 

Two hours later Mohan SMS to boss: Me ok, your wife very sweet.

way of thinking

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

vacation

In a restaurant:

Customer: Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!!
Waiter: Sorry, sir. The fly is on vacation. 

complaints

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?

Johnny: Nothing, sir.

Headmaster: Exactly.

Biggest lie

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.


The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"


One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."


"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."


The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

The Perfect Son.

A: I have the perfect son.

B: Does he smoke?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he drink whiskey?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he ever come home late?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?

A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.